OK, Part 2. For those who care, it turns out you can't get oil-rubbed bronze (ORB) spray paint anymore, by either Rustoleum or Krylon. Well, you can, but only if you live in the U.S. and pay exorbitant rates on Amazon (US$11 a can ::cough::).
I browsed around online and found someone who had figured out a way to paint her gold fixtures before the ORB spray paint was even produced. She used a Krylon black paint, then touched things up with a little tube of Rub 'n Buff gold leaf in the color Antique Gold, then used Krylon Tough Coat Clear Coat to finish things off. Pictures here.
Complicated? A little. Worth doing? You bet. Can I find Rub 'n Buff ANYWHERE in town? No. The good news? After my next road trip to an art store, I'll be able to tone down the Vegas and get rid of 15 sets of gold doorknobs. Really, 15. I ran around the house and counted.